T’hersday: Divine Payback

by on April 11th, 2013 at 12:40 pm

Bioshock Infinite Women's T

Howdy folks! Our regularly scheduled T’hersday columnist forgot to upload his article before going on a bit of a vacation so you’ll just have to wait until next week for some Far Cry 3 shenanigans.

I have a question for those of you who are male and wear gaming t-shirts. Does anyone ever look at you and go “Oh I bet you don’t even play that game” when they see you wearing it? No? Yeah, me either. And yet my girlfriend wears a Horde hoodie all the time and numerous have been the times people say “Wow you play World of Warcraft?” or “I bet you wear that just because your boyfriend plays Horde.” as if a female is completely incapable of appreciating a video game without her boyfriend’s masculine cock to guide her onto the path of gaming righteousness.

This is one of the few times I feel justified in saying, ladies you know what I’m talking about.

Where does this absurd thought even come from? It’s as if these people have such a narrow conception of the world that women may enjoy things that they too enjoy is a wholly foreign concept. And, fuck me, what a boring world that would be. It’d be like a damn sitcom every single day!

“Honey, stop playing Xbox and do the diiiiishes!” the wife says, her voice a like a squealing pig being rubbed on a chalkboard, glass of red wine in one hand, cellphone in the other. Let it be noted that she is, like, way hotter than he ever could be.

Sitcom Husband and Wife

“But babe I’m playing with the dudes!” He shoots back. Dudes, here, reads ‘people who aren’t my boss bitch of a wife.’ “Besides, I already did them!” We look at the sink and see it full of hot water and soap bubbles, spilling onto the floor below. What a joy life is in sitcom land!

So when I see people standing up to break down these patently absurd notions of what women can and can’t do, it brings a smile to my face. But when I see them utterly crush people in the process, well, my heart grows three sizes.

(I’d call that sitcom “Man-Child Dad Plays Games, While Wife Gets Drunk and Whines: The Show About Stereotypes. Fuck you, I don’t care if it’s too long.)