Rapture: Behind the Scenes of ADAM

by on June 25th, 2013 at 2:31 pm


By now, if you’re going to play them, you have all played at least the first two Bioshock games. And we here at Gamers Schmamers have talked about Infinite ad nauseam.

But did you know that the games you played were really documentaries?

Documentaries leaked through a rift in space-time.

In the form of video games.

How else would they get young adults to pay attention?

The games are an ongoing investigation into the Infinite worlds.

With all their constants and variables.

But the games aren’t the first thing from this world to have traversed the rift.

Oh, no.



Went through the rift long ago.

Adam Smash

And what I’ve learned of his trip is almost too terrifying to mention.

An everyday Jew transformed the fate of worlds.

With his semen.

Undoubtedly you’ve heard of ADAM.

A substance we’ve long believed to be stem cells harvested from sea slugs.

Adam Slug

That is not the case. Not the case at all, my friend.

Sure. ADAM can be harvested from sea slugs.

But the slugs aren’t the source.

They don’t produce ADAM.

Adam produced ADAM.

A man and his insatiable need to fuck produced ADAM.

A man and his insatiable need to fuck produced ADAM.

A rift opened to him on a usually normal Wednesday trip to the comic store.

A rift to the beginnings of Rapture.

He heard new things. Smelled new things. And saw new things.

New things to fuck.

He worked his way through society.

Eventually becoming a famous playwright.

Writing that Adam

The toast of the underwater town.

He used his celebrity to gain access to the beds of all the young stars and starlets.

And this is where things began to sour.

Quite literally.

His time-and-space-displaced semen did not belong.

It did not belong upon their bedsheets. In their vaginas. In their assholes. In their mouths. Nor hair.

It did not belong.

So it did not decay.

Not at a normal rate anyway.

It simply stayed. And festered.

It mutated.

It became a thing that healed.

That gave powers.

That caused addiction.

Until all of Rapture craved that Adam.

WTF Mate